Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
