Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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