If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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