So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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