Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
