im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
