He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
