he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
