Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
