Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
So many bounce houses so little time
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
