I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
How does one acquire holy water?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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