One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Yo dont text me then not text me
it hurts more in the daytime
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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