I think i peed on brittanys purse
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
