My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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