1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
