My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
