do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
