She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
