i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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