She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
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They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
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You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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