I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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