Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
