don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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