Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Damn victory sex feels great
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
