True but thats because hes a fetus.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
