New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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