he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
its not stalking. its research.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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