sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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