i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize