no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I wish you could order shots online.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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