What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I think my vagina is haunted
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
