Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize