There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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