@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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