We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
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I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
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Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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