Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
