I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Success! We fucked roommates!
My life is pants optional.
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