apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I know her cup size but not her name....
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