i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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