That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
