every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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