I will die if light touches me.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
