buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
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there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
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Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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