We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
