just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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