its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
