just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
