I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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