forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
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My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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