Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
