i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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