also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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