my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The air was thick with penises
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
