What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
