DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
