Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
