Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
