so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
