Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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