My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
