We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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