I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
