Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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