im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
