I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
