Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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