toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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