you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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