I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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