Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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